I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
