Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
