Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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