You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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