hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize