I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
