I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
