i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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