Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
