lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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