So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
