i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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