I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
