Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
