youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
