it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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