That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
