Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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