We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
