he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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