The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
