I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
