She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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