Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
