i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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