Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
