just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
thus making me awesome and them whores
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
