I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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