umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
