I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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