the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
