Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
