Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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