I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
