Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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