kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
