At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
