does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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