I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
