Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
