thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
