Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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