He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
