I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
