If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
