I could have mohawked her pubes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
