I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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