She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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