life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
