According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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