My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
