did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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