i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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