Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
