I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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