she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
