I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
