At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
