It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
