She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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