does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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