chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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