Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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