It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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