dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
