I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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