I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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