I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
