Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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